Dear 15 Year Old Me

When I was 15, I was in high school headbanging to Guns N’ Roses and Metallica (which my mother called mga “satanista!”) I was awkward, I wore glasses and had a mouth filled with braces. I was bored all the time and I spent summers at my best friend’s house eating barbecue and learning how to do cartwheels. We also tried to tape our favorite music by listening to our favorite radio stations and hitting “record” as soon as the DJ would stop talking!

Those were really fun times. Life was simpler and my only worries were my grades. I stayed at home most of the time because my parents were super strict and they didn’t allow me to go soirees. I went to parties but I had to be home at 8. Can you imagine that? 8pm uwi na?? Hahaha 😛

Sometimes I would look back when I was still a kid and I would always wonder, what the heck was I doing with my life then?? If I had a chance to be Marty McFly and visit my younger self, I would probably tell my clueless and bored 15-year old me these 5 things.

Learn an instrument

My parents gave me a guitar when I was in 2nd year college. I wanted to play so badly but I never had the tenacity to learn the guitar by myself. I didn’t work on it too hard so the only chords I learned were for MMMBop! Wahaha! I wish I picked up an instrument earlier and asked for a guitar when I was in high school. The school I went to had a really wonderful music program and some of my friends went to music classes after our regular classes. Since hindi rin naman ako masyadong gumimik nung high school, I could also have used my time at home to learn how to play the guitar! I really am in awe of people who know how to play any musical instrument because it requires so much effort and dedication. Also, I can’t help but think playtime with David and Noah now would be so much more fun with me strumming fun songs. Now they just have to deal with a mom who sings and dances ALL. THE. TIME. (Sorry boys, your momma can’t help it)

Don’t worry too much

Dear 15 year old me, you think you have problems?? Wait until you become an adult! Wait until you finally start paying the bills, girl!! I was a self-absorbed teen and I now get it why my parents couldn’t understand my angst. Though my world is small then, it was all that I knew and whatever set off the balance made me so anxious. If I saw my 15 year old self worrying over something I would tell her not to worry too much, not because there are bigger issues to face when I get older but because things will always work out. They always do — and that’s 23 years of experience talking 🙂

Believe in yourself more

One of the subjects I loved in high school was creative writing. I LOOOVED it and I loved my teacher. We had a creative writing notebook that I wrote constantly in. She encouraged me to try out for the school paper which regularly publishes literary pieces but I declined. I thought my pieces weren’t good enough so I made up a lot of excuses — no time to write, I couldn’t think of a topic, I didn’t know when the deadline is etc. In reality, I should have just winged it, submitted a piece and moved on. I enjoyed writing but I wasn’t able to take it to the next level. I didn’t believe in myself tsk!

Let me share you one other story, I tried out a writing class with Jessica Zafra last year and she encouraged me to develop the short story I wrote and read in class and to try out for the Palanca awards. Well that short story is in a brown envelope stored in our room. I haven’t touched it in a while because I couldn’t figure out what to do next. The story is about David and Noah and their adventures. It takes place in David’s head and has a lot of Star Wars references. Maybe I should bring it out na and develop it.

The thing is though, I have this blog and it’s my safe space. And I have YOU to thank for keeping it here 🙂 Thank you for reading and commenting and even sharing some of the posts. Thank you for believing in me.