It was a typical morning and we were stuck in traffic as usual in Sta Ana, where Waze told us to pass so that we could scrape off 15 minutes on what could be a two-hour drive again from QC to Makati. We were listening to the radio and the news was about Julia Roberts and her husband Danny Moder. Although the news was about their new movie, the news was more of how the actress and her director-husband have stayed on for 13 years. Apparently they have weathered a lot of breakup rumors recently and it seemed likely given that the couple came together while the guy was still married.
And so I wondered out loud…
How can a person be married then go off and meet someone and then right then and there decide that this new person is actually THE one. There will always be someone who will be better than your partner for sure. Someone more beautiful, funnier, smarter, sexier etc. But what would make someone cross a line and leave the one they exchanged vows with?
So aside from Julia Roberts and Danny Moder, I also brought up Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It’s the same thing basically, you get married to Rachel from Friends and then you meet Lara Croft and then decide, oh dear, it was really Lara Croft who I wanted.
Dan chimed in with this:
There will always be someone who will be smarter, more gorgeous etc than who you’re married to. But they’re just parts of one person. You marry a person for who they are as a whole — what they have and what they don’t have.
Natahimik naman ako.
So I asked him again.
If Brad Pitt can actually leave Jennifer Aniston for another woman, what made him go and move on to another person?
Dan said:
Change in values.
I got him, I totally got him and I remember what Coach Pia told us about being your authentic selves even in a marriage. I realized that yes, you do marry or stay with a person because at that point you love them for who they are and what they are not. You don’t marry them for who they can be. Marriages will always be a work in progress. Priorities shift over time but one’s core values will always be your compass. My core guides my relationships with Dan, David and Noah. If I falter, I go back to my core and build from there again.
You know there are times that I curse traffic and our 2 hour one-way commute to Makati and there are times that I am plesantly surprised by what we discover along the way. This was one of those days. I got to appreciate Dan and I got to pick his brains and got to see a bit of his heart too.
I was late when I got to the office though, pero sulit naman ang byahe 🙂
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