Do I see myself as a wife? My engagement ring and wedding ring should be enough reminders I suppose of the vow I took 3 years ago. But after DW was born, I’ve only known myself as a momma. I have yet to grow into my role as a wife and I’m not quite sure yet how to handle that.
I guess I have yet to make that transition yet because BDW and I were good friends loooong before we got married. I’ve always seen myself as his barkada (with benefits naturally haha but that’s beside the point). We both worked in the same office within the same department but in different teams. His work station was a cubicle away from mine. I noticed him because he was so MASUNGIT. In that office, for some reason, I found myself hanging out with a burly bunch of boys at the office. And we were ALWAYS hanging out. I was one of a few girls in that group and thus I was knighted “NEBOY.”I kept up with the best of them. Exchanged hirits without resorting to green jokes, because I’m a lady like dut .
And then it just happened, BDW and I found ourselves hanging out with each other more. We took our breaks together — just us two without the boys and my other friends. We kept up with the banter and it continued on to our emails and then to our phones.
Then we wanted to see more of each other during the weekends. It was weird at first but I figured we were just hanging out. Being oblivious was better than being assuming and I didn’t want to set myself up for another disappointment. I’ve gotten used to the whole “friends muna tayo” then MU (as in mag-un!) routine and it never ended well. But this time though it was different. I cared more about where we were going. BDW was different and he liked me — taklesa-rocker-isaw-eating-speak my mind (sometimes too much)-masungit me. He didn’t want it any other way. We exchanged mixtapes, went to rock concerts and soon after I asked him “ANO NA BA TAYO?!”
And so on the wee hours of April 1 2001, we became a couple. April Fool’s!! It wasn’t smooth sailing all those years. There was a time when I wanted to break it off. The whole thing was too comfortable, too normal and so I got scared. I was ready to fly away but BDW grabbed me and talked me into staying. That was a glimpse of how we would be for the rest of our relationship. He is strong and silent. He is sensible and shows it with a few sentences while I could blather on and on about an issue without getting to any point. Sometimes I just want to talk (hence this blog haha). I am emotional and he is rational. He is the yin to my yang.
8 years of dating and I figured, ok so where do we go now? My friends were all getting married and that triggered me into thinking whether BDW and I would be BF-GF forever. Kinda like Sting and Trudie Styler but a billion pounds poorer. And so I asked BDW: “ANO NA BA TAYO?”
Little did I know BDW was planning to propose to me in New York a year before (we were both on business trips) but he didn’t do it because he doesn’t have a ring yet. I couldn’t care less, I wanted to be proposed to in New York!!! I would have been happy with an Onion Ring!
So he did the next best thing. He proposed me to me after we laid his Lola to rest. Yes, he planned the whole thing during his lola’s wake. All his cousins came to Manila to pay their respects and they all planned how BDW would propose to me while they’re stuck at Loyola. Morbid I know but romantic?? Hell yeah! So now whenever I get asked how BDW proposed I always start with “Ah sa Loyola Memorial nagsimula lahat e”
We planned a simple wedding, blue and brown and an invitation with pop-up versions of ourselves. We had duckies for souvenirs and a photobooth that did not stop clicking until midnight.
So technically I became a wife on Feb. 2. But nothing’s changed (save for DW of course) and I still see myself as Neboy, BDW’s kabarkada. We hang out and when we make the effort, we go on a date. Whereas there are others who seem so sure of their roles, I have yet to really see how I am, three years from Feb. 2, 2008, coming along as a wife. Maybe I’ll get to that point where everything will be clear and I’ll find my rightful place. But for now, I am BDW’s biggest cheerleader, his most honest critic, his hapless business partner, his (sometimes) better half. Yeah, I guess that’s a start.
This is my entry to Toni’s blog carnival, “It’s a Wife’s Life”. To join the carnival, visit WifelySteps.com
candy says
August 28, 2011 at 1:09 pmthis is a funny post! incidentally – pushed me to post a comment – coz i almost had an April 1 anniv too… ended up April 2 (almost!). apparently DH thought baka i might think it’s a joke if April 1. love your story 🙂 it’s a great way to start a love story…
ibyang says
August 13, 2011 at 7:45 ami enjoyed your story! i find it really cool how you asked your husband “ano na ba tayo?” i appreciate women more if they really ask their men point blank what’s on your mind.
being a wife, like happiness, is about the journey. like the rest of us, everyday, we just learn and gradually find the things that would work in being a wife. let’s enjoy it!
happy weekend.
Kinney says
August 11, 2011 at 8:51 pmSuch a nice love story ate Nina! 🙂 Haha. I can’t wait to have my own story too 😛
Osang says
August 11, 2011 at 10:18 amWow, Nevs! kaka-kilig naman! 😀 Mahirap nga sigurong sabay-sabay being a wife, a mom, an entrepreneur and a manager al at the same time! Pero what’s important is you’ll always be there for Dan. 🙂 O dba, mature ang advice! Haha. i’m so proud of you!!!
manilamommy says
August 11, 2011 at 11:34 pm@chris – thanks so much chris 😀
@kinney – thank you kinney! you’ll soon have your own, baka bukas meron na haha!
@osang – i’m so proud of you too osang!!! yay mature na tayo! hahaha
Chris says
August 10, 2011 at 3:28 pmwow neva.. nice to know your lovestory! 😀 kilig!
manilamommy says
August 9, 2011 at 11:33 pm@martine- haha you’re funny!!! you’re right, don’t make apologies for the life you have 😀 i’m amazed at women who just know where they are because i’m still on that journey e. but just like you i’m loving where i am right now 😀
Martine says
August 9, 2011 at 11:14 pmI LOVE your entry, Nev! Sounds like my life, hahaha. Ton and I have known each other since 1993, became a couple in 2001, and then married in 2008. He’s my best friend, too, even before naging “kami” (yuck. Haha.) Siya nga ang “first and last” ko, so ewan ko kung baduy yon or I’m super lucky–I’d like to think it’s the latter, lol.
To be honest, I’ve always wanted to be a wife. No qualms about it! Talagang I love the feeling na “I’m a wife, hooray,” and make no apologies for it kahit anong sabihin hila. Bwahahaha. I dunno, I suppose I really just love being married, being a mom and a homemaker. Weird ba yon? Ewan ko, basta, I love my life 😛
Mom-Friday says
August 8, 2011 at 11:48 pmawww…. sweeet naman sa Loyola! :)))) Buti ka pa may formal proposal! hahaha….nagtampo talaga after 8 years na!
But you look so happy together and with 8 years behind you before the jump, you are solid!
manilamommy says
August 9, 2011 at 12:31 amthanks michelle 😀 yuh talagang sa loyola nag start and then we went to eat dinner and then yun na haha
manilamommy says
August 8, 2011 at 10:27 am@toni – thanks so much for the kind words!! thanks for hosting the carnival!!
@jen t – thanks jen! when people asked me if i was going to change my name after i got married, i told them oo i’ll change my name to Vilma Santos. lubusin ko na ang change name haha 😀
@jenny – thanks jenny!! oo tinanong ko na pero may plan na rin pala si BDW haha! i agree learning new things does keep things exciting. may you and S have more spicy years to come hehe 😀
@rone – idol talaga kita. for realz.
Rone says
August 8, 2011 at 8:52 amSus, I’ve never felt like a wife. Hahaha. I just don’t think I have it in me. We were more of whirlwind romance and were never friends.
Jenny says
August 8, 2011 at 8:18 amawww! great post Neva! haha so ikaw nagtanong?! 😛 S and I have been together since 1998 and got married in 2007. so it means that we’ve been together for 13 years now! hmm do i feel like a wife? i dunno.. i guess still learning the ropes too. i think we never completely learn everything and i’d like to think that learning new things about your partner and your life together keeps things “spicy” 😀
Jen CC Tan says
August 7, 2011 at 6:07 pmLOVE IT, Neva!!! And about being a Mrs, as I’ve told so many people, when they call me “Mrs Tan” I always look back and look if my MIL’s behind me. Hahahaha! Wishing you endless years of love and happiness!
Toni says
August 7, 2011 at 2:12 amTHIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL. I love your funny interjections (you’re a lady like dut — hahahaha!) and of course, the fab storytelling. I can’t wait to share it sa blog carnival. More people should be inspired by this. Thanks for this wonderful post, manilamommy!! <3