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A Letter to N

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I gave birth last Friday via Emergency CS at St. Luke’s Medical Center, QC. Everything happened in a whirlwind and things are still happening. There’s a lot of waiting, a lot of decisions still waiting to be made.  We’re taking things one day at a time.

My Dearest Baby Boy N,

It was a regular Friday morning. Your dad and I went to St. Luke’s to take tests that my doctor told me to take. Everything was going smoothly, I felt you kick a couple of times. I didn’t eat for 10 hours to prepare for the OGTT extraction and I was getting cross-eyed from the hunger. I felt you kick too — I know you’re also hungry little guy. I had three scheduled extractions, a pelvic ultrasound and one other test. In between the extractions, your dad and I went to the Women’s Healthcare Unit to take the ultrasound. I lay down on the bed, cold jelly was squirted on my tummy and the doctor started her exam. She kept asking how far along we are, I told her 34 weeks. She asked me if I was diabetic or if I had high blood pressure. To both questions, I answered No. There was a look of concern on her face. I knew she’d notice that you might be quite small. You’ve always been that way. You’ve always been two weeks late but you do grow my little fighter.

The doctor called another doctor and then another. I didn’t know what was happening. One of the doctors told me, that you were 4 weeks off already.  They called another doctor, a perinatologist. She’s a special kind of doctor who knows what to do when babies like you are having problems while they’re still in their mommy’s tummies. We were so lucky she was there and that she was ready to help us because most of the time, she’s not in the Women’s Healthcare Unit. I talked to my doctor too who told me that we were in good hands.

So the perinatologist charted our growth and she ordered another test. She listened to you and what was going on while you were inside me. She said that your heart was weak from working so hard. My placenta was blocking part of your umbilical cord so your heart had to work extra hard to get all the blood and nutrients from me.

My OB and the perinatologist both decided that you should get out as quickly as possible so you won’t have to be so tired anymore. I cried right away. I just wanted things to be alright. Your dad hugged me tight.

On my OB’s order,  your dad and I went to the delivery room. There’s a special equipment there that could listen to your heart. We all wanted to hear your heartbeat. We all wanted to know that you’re doing fine.

I was hooked up and I heard your heartbeat. The nurse went out but came back right away. She heard you working so hard again. Your heart was working overtime. The nurse called two doctors who listened to your heart too. They didn’t like what they heard. They said you wanted to go out and that you needed to get out.

So I was wheeled away and I left your dad at the delivery room. I saw his face and he was very worried. We both didn’t know what was going to happen. All I saw were lights zooming above me and people buzzing around me. “Stat CS” they said and they were all moving so fast. They knew they shouldn’t keep you waiting.

Then I heard you crying. You were out baby! You were out our awesome little fighter and you let everyone know that you are fine! I was crying all throughout but I felt relief when I heard you. You were bundled up and wrapped up and they let me see you. I said Hi, but you were asleep. You’ve gotten so tired.

When I was with your dad already, the doctors visited us to tell you that you had to stay at the NICU. It’s a special place with special doctors and nurses. Because you got out so early, they had to make sure that you’ll still grow and that you’ll be strong and healthy. They have special equipment and awesome monitors that go “beeeeep” and some that go “tut-tut”.  We always visited you in the NICU and the nurses told me that I can hold you while you’re in that special place.  I hugged your frail body and I kept you inside of my gown. They called it Kangaroo care. I whispered I love you and I said your name. I hope you heard me.

I even tried to feed you. The nurses are so kind and helpful. I think you’re one of their favorites! Your dad and I can’t wait to bring you home so that you could meet your grandparents and your big brother. Kuya DW has so many things to teach you. Your lola and lolo are excited to give you hugs and kisses. Your dad and can’t wait to spend our days with you, our little miracle. Every breath you take is a prayer of thanks and every move you make is a remembrance of our blessings.

Because of you N, I’m a mom of two boys now. My heart is full of joy, grace and gratitude. I look at you and know that the future is yours to take and that the paths you track will be amazing. You and your kuya are our treasures and a reminder that we are loved by so many.

I’ll see you again tomorrow our dear sweet baby boy 🙂 We love you so much!

Love,

Mama and Dada

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Comments

  6. Good thing I was alone in my room when I read this. Naiyak naman talaga ako. Feel na feel ko ang unconditional love mo for N.

    Thank you for sharing this with us and reminding us what is truly important and to always be grateful.

    Fight lang, baby N, we will see you soon! 🙂

    Reply

  7. My dear Nev, *huuuuuug*. Naiyak kami. Tama yung isang comment na I can almost see love bursting out of you. Baby N will be just fine because he has in abundance the most important thing a baby needs to thrive — love, love, love.

    One day at a time. You’re lucky, N is teaching you the best way to live — grateful for the here and now. Ü

    Reply

  10. God is so good to bring the right people at the right time. He’s truly there when we need Him the most. What a beautiful story of love and family!

    Reply

  11. hi neva, glad that both of you are ok. i’m sure N is a fighter at super excited na siya to go home. hugs from my family!

    Reply

  12. Neva! This letter made me cry! konting kwento.. my cousin also gave birth via emergency CS when she just turned 8 months pregnant. My nephew Miguel stayed in St. Luke’s NICU for about 4 weeks and his pediatrician is also Dr. Enriquez. I know you’re in a rollercoaster of emotions kasi nakita ko yan sa cousin ko..keep the faith because your little fighter will get stronger and stronger.. 🙂 I will pray for your baby Noah!

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  15. Like everyone else who commented already, Neva, I cried when I read your post. I can imagine how scary it must have been for you and D. Will keep praying for Baby N and you and the whole family as well. Our God is greater than all our greatest worries and fears! This song was playing in my head earlier when I was contemplating on hubby getting sick… I want to share it with you now, because it is SO TRUE! Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkljgA5SQc8 God bless and stay strong! You are an inspiration to so many of us!

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  16. Crayola to death ako mudrakels!! Wit na poise poise. I’m just so happy that everything went well for you and N. When you sent us that text message, I cried! I was so worried. When I saw you posting on FB, I cried again!!! Hay cry ng cry!

    I can’t wait to meet N. Basti would like to be honorary kuya because he has no one pa. See you soon N and N!

    Reply

  17. hi! this is such a heartwarming post 🙂 I’m now on my 33rd week of pregnancy so I’m pretty much paranoid these past few days about scenarios like this. I’m glad you and your new baby are well. Hoping for his continued recovery. God bless!

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  18. I cried when I read this, Neva. What I went through with Ziggy was nowhere as scary as this. His heartbeat also slowed down when I was in labor. That really scared the hell out of me. Turns out his cord was wrapped around his neck twice and so he had a hard time getting out. Fortunately, I was still able to have a normal delivery. I’m praying for you and baby N. I’m sure everything will work out just fine. 🙂

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  19. He’ll be home soon! Just hang in there, Neva =) I am praying for you and little N. My heart is swelling up really big right now and swallowing you all up in love and lots of hearts are doing this as well. You and your family are loved!

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  21. Nev! You’re tugging at my heartstrings from half way around the world (tearing up while my butt freezes). I’ll be including N and your entire family in my novena. I’m certain that grace will intervene and all will turn out as it should. Challenging life experiences come to strengthen the family unit, and reveal to each member how strong and capable each can be for the another. This is one of them for you, D, DW and N. <3 tight hugs <3

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  27. Cant help but cry while reading this. Im in the waiting game now for the delivery of my 3rd child. Praying N will get stronger

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  29. Nevs!!! I am crying as I read this. What a wonderful and heartfelt letter. I am praying that N gets stronger every day and soon you will be able to bring him home to be with big brother DW! Praying for your family <3 <3 <3

    Reply

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