Remember that kiddie travelers lounge at the domestic airport? DW and I had the place to ourselves for about 30 minutes when a rowdy group of older kids and their mom, a tita and someone else came barging into the lounge. The mom plopped herself in a chair near the door and started texting. DW was playing with the toys at the table minding his business. The kids were all over the lounge, some were in the playhouse, some were in the small see-saw and some went to the table where DW was. I loved that there were other kids now so that at least DW would have some other folks to play with. While DW was at the table, another kid went beside him, SHOVED him aside and started playing with HIS toys. I saw it! I was beside DW and all I could say was HEY!!!. I looked at the mom, she was busy texting.
I took DW’s hands and said out loud, LET’S GO DW! THESE KIDS PLAY ROUGH (dapat pala may kasama pang HARUMPH!) We wore our shoes and left the lounge.
I know I should have done something (or nothing) but that incident made me realize how much of a newbie parent I am. If that was me in DW’s situation I would have told the person off but this was DW and I wanted him to learn something from what happened. What should I have done fellow mommas and poppas?
Should I have:
- Told the kid off?
- Told the mom what her kid did?
By doing what I did (which is essentially retreat and run away gaaah!!) did I fail to teach DW here how to fight for himself?
Help Me!!! I have no idea what I’m doing!! How about you? What would you have done?
girlash says
October 2, 2011 at 8:03 amMy son is very playful and sabik for playmates, so even when the other kids push him around, he still feels it’s part of the game. My husband and I try to teach him to fend for himself and he does – told him na if the other kids push him, he should tell them off. Once, we were with a group of work friends and their families of my hubby, the boys played basketball. Eh, all the kids are older than him, so when they were playing basketball, my boy was pushed. I just observed him, and I was so proud coz he said “Don’t push me!”. The second time, it happened, he said “You’re not nice! Say sorry!”. He was 4 at that time and the other boys were 2-3 years older than him. My hubby though wanted to smack the older kids hahaha But if it happened again, I would’ve smacked the parents of the older kids mwehehehe
Nakakainis kasi the parents who don’t care if their child is the bully. I think it’s the parents’ responsibility to keep your child in line. It’s our responsibility, as parents, to raise our kids into responsible human beings.
Chris says
September 29, 2011 at 11:47 pmusually when something like this happens, i talk to the child who is bullying. i tell him or her that what she is doing is not nice (in a nice manner).. and we leave. then i talk to my kids and ask them how they feel and we analyze the situation. it is a good learning ground for my kids. we always talk how God would want us to reply…
i know i am not there for my kids forever and someday, they will face these issues on their own, i pray, by God’s grace. that by that time, the guidance and the training will come back to their mind.
manilamommy says
September 29, 2011 at 10:26 amhi mommies –
i am so grateful to you all for freely sharing your tips and your own stories about handling nasty kids (with dedma moms haha) i realize that each parent has his/her own style of parenting but shouldn’t decency and consideration be at the core of how we raise our children and how we conduct ourselves as people? that’s why the dedma mom really surprised me. i’m so happy that manilamommy readers are not dedma moms 😀 kayo na!! 😀
thanks so much guys 😀
Rone says
September 28, 2011 at 9:54 pmI think you did pretty well. You let them know that they weren’t being nice AND you took the higher road by leaving. NAKS!
Having said that I usually tell kids like that off and I don’t care if the mom or the yaya or the lola can hear me. I try my best to say it nicely but I once told a kid “YOU’RE the ugly one!” when he told 2 year-old Gael that he was ugly. I am honest because many times it is my kid being rough and not sharing and I appreciate when the adults around don’t just brush it off and take their child somewhere else.
gie says
September 28, 2011 at 7:11 pmHi mommy Neva,
I feel you. We were forced to transfer our daughter to another school this year just because she couldn’t get along with her bully classmates (she has ADHD so it’s really hard for her to socialize the normal way) Much to our dismay, her teachers didn’t want to be involved and we were left to our own devices. It was horrible.
While I don’t think my daughter can be bullied easily (she’s fierce, I tell you) I always worry that she won’t be able to handle difficult situations on her own. I try to tell her what to do if someone is being harsh or bad or whatever, I tell her to just walk away as I think this is the best thing to do given her situation.
I think what you did is right. It is not being coward but it is the maturity to act properly even when angry.
(then quietly point to the texting mother while saying, “that’s the baddie mom, son.” lol)
Cheers! 🙂
Mommy Fleur says
September 28, 2011 at 7:20 amThat happened to Anika at Asian pero 3x na nung bata tinulak si Anika kasi she wanted to play sa vendo machine. The mother of the kid was near and she saw the whole thing pero hindi pinansin. After ko makita itulak for the 3rd time, I approached Anika and the kid and hinawakan ko sa arm yung bata then parang ang sinabi ko ata is “STAY AWAY FROM HER!” pero nakabulong lang. Pinandilatan ko ng mata para matakot more. Nakakagigil eh!
mintlair says
September 26, 2011 at 1:59 pmIn my case, we were in my cousin’s house in the province for their town fiesta and there were 3 kid guests in the house (including my son) along with 10 adults. One time, my son was just walking from the sala to the kitchen (and take note the room was big and not even crowdy) and I saw the other kid, a girl (who’s probably 3yrs old), wave her arm as if to shove/push my son away. Good thing that arm/hand did not touch my son! As if naman babanggain siya ng anak ko! Sa gulat ko, ang nagawa ko na lang was to shout my son’s name out loud and I never let him near that girl again. Tiningnan ko rin ng masama yung bata, hehe.. 🙂 If she did hit my son, I’ll call the attention of the mom who was right in front of the kid. But of course, I’d do it properly and politely. 🙂
Liv says
September 25, 2011 at 11:04 pmHi Neva, actually, we kinda taught our little girl to stand up and fight. It’s not that I want to raise a bully but I just wanted her to learn how to fend for herself. I mean what if she’s alone in school and she gets picked on? I don’t want her to become a sitting target for the bullies out there.
A few months ago, some kid pushed her in the school’s playground. Good thing hubby was there to pick her up. At first he observed how she would react and what our daughter did was to push back. When the kid attempted to push her again, hubby intervened by saying “where’s your mom?” at the same time giving the kid a “don’t you dare mess with my daughter look”. The kid got scared and left the playground. 🙂
C says
September 25, 2011 at 4:07 pmI am a mom to a 3 year old boy who is quite energetic and we have gone through a phase where he had some difficulties with sharing and waiting for his turn. In a playground, he would probably be the agressor/bully – as he is taller, stronger and rougher than most children his age. BUT since I know my son, and I know his deficiencies (and believe me, i’ve done EVERYTHING to teach him to play nice, etc.) I NEVER ignore him when he is playing with other children. The yayas are trained too, to watch him like a hawk. As a parent, I feel it is my responsibility to raise my child to be a good human being who respects other people. And I really do call his attention and make him share & play with other children nicely. SO YEAH parents who ignore their own children’s bad behavior really pisses me off. It really sends the wrong message to the aggressor and also to the aggrieved child.
But it’s happened to us that my son also gets bullied. One time the mom pa was so proud that her giant oaf of a son was lording it over the playground. (“Tignan mo si Junior o, hindi talaga nagpapatalo hahaha!”) I really gave her a dirty look and just pulled my son out of the situation. I still don’t have the guts to tell another person off for what I percieve to be bad parenting. hahaha. Duwag. 😛
toni says
September 25, 2011 at 3:19 amARGH! Umiinit ulo ko just thinking of what to type. Makarma sana yang batang nanulak na yan.
It hasn’t happened to me yet, so I don’t really know what to do. I’d like to think I’d calmly talk to the guardian and the kid, but I’d most likely shout out on impulse and pull my kid away. He’s only 2 after all.
Sigh. If only we could protect these little ones 24/7.
corrine says
September 25, 2011 at 3:11 amwe can’t blame the parent or guardian for not seeing that their kid has bad manners. This is the only time maybe they got to relax and knowing their child is playing. This situation always happen to my kids. I always do is go near my son and that kid and just simply talk to the kid that “excuse me I believe my son is playing with what your holding. you should wait or ask before you get something from others” this should be a friendly like “kwentohan” approach so that the kid won’t get threatened and won’t “sumbong” o his parents or guardian.
MommyRoxi says
September 25, 2011 at 1:43 amIt’s much worse here in Kuwait. Kids here are (what we call) spawns of the devil. They bite, they hit, they shove EVEN WHEN THEIR PARENTS ARE AROUND AND CAN ACTUALLY SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING. They wouldn’t even referee the situation or teach their kids that what they did was wrong. The parents are not apologetic. They’d just look and ignore. My 3 year old daughter has been a victim of all of these. And all those times, I just pull my daughter away from those little monsters wishing them eternal hell. (Gosh! Pag naaalala ko ang mga incidents, nanggagalaiti pa rin ako).
Topaz Mommy says
September 24, 2011 at 10:17 pmWell, I was a preschool teacher and a tita so I’m familiar with this situation. It still happens now in the playground where my son plays, but with the other older kids. I usually march up to the offending child and say in my most “I’m an adult!” voice, “Stop it. What you did was wrong. You know that. Where is your mother?” Like Eliza does. It works.
Usually, the mother isn’t there so the kid slinks off. Sometimes, like this one time where this boy actually pushed this little girl off the top of the slide (que horror!), I made him apologize. The times when the parents are there? I think my teacher training helps kasi I just use my teacher voice both on kid and parent and the parent rushes to apologize.
Actually, kailangan na lang natin pag-usapan ito over a good hot cup of tea.
Topaz Mommy says
September 24, 2011 at 10:20 pmArgh. Kumukulo dugo ko, Neva! Your poor child! You poor mommy! Sa totoo lang, if that happened to my Vito, ewan ko talaga. Feeling ko yung diniscribe ko na teacher voice above won’t happen. I’d transform into a bad person and just beat the living daylights out of the bully (and parent). So help me, God!
Ma. Teresa Grech Quiatchon Racal says
September 24, 2011 at 8:34 pmi used to say to my daughters never fight back unless provoked into…am i a bad mother for teaching that?! No, because I won’t be with them 24 hours a day… but in your case, you should have talked to the mother of what his son did to yours. And let me remind you that no matter how hard we teach our kids to be good people there will always be OTHER people who will be bad..when you left that lounge with your son, you’re not a cowardice, probably you don’t want to make a big fuss out of it also. but next time, IF THAT HAPPENS, (hoping it will not), it’s okay to talk to the other person… :))
France says
September 23, 2011 at 4:03 pmI experienced this recently at a playground. Fortunately, I was there to see what was happening. Unfortunately, my husband was there to see what was happening. He was more emotional than I since I was trying to rationalize what an educated person should do.
The group of kids did not have any guardian with them since they were old enough to play with themselves. Guessing they’re probably in middle school while my boy was just 3 years old looking like a 6 year-old.
To cut the story short, we didn’t do anything with “bully” kids. I never talked to them. I just made it known that my boy has his parents with him. I could care less what the other kids were feeling when they realized we saw what they did to our child. We comforted our kid. But since I am a woman, I let my husband handle the talking with our boy. He knows this better than I do. I hope that when this happens to my child and I’m not there, he know he can talk to me and that he is surrounded with people who love him and the others just don’t matter.
Mom-Friday says
September 23, 2011 at 1:56 pmthis is a vey difficult situation esp. since the mom/guardian is there and did not see what happened. It should have been dealt immediately by the other’s kids’ guardian since it’s a teaching moment — for both kids.
I think it happened to me once lang and I told the kid very nicely that he should not have pushed and took away the toy, and if he can wait for his turn since my child was the first to play, and he can join if he likes. Then I call on the spotters of the venue, hehe… That’s why when it’s a public play area, dapat nakatutok ang mga mata ng mga guardians sa alaga so they can address whatever situation when necessary. We learn to deal as we go along, no fool-proof way unfortunately.
OCMominManila says
September 23, 2011 at 1:06 pmI’m sorry to be harsh but I hate those bully kids! (OK, hate is a harsh word) Bully kids = bully parents, or yes, maybe deadma parents. What I would do: I’d tell my daughter loudly so that the bully kid can hear (and hopefully his/ her mom) that shoving IS NOT NICE! Then do what you did and leave.
Once we were in Shang and this 3yr old girl starts shouting at my daughter who was carrying her baby doll “Ang pangit ng doll mo!” over and over. She even cwent as close as 2ft away from M! Her mom who was beside her did not even tell the kid to stop shouting at my daughter despite my glaring looks at her. My daughter (and for the first time I was grateful she couldn’t understand a lot of Filipino) just stared at the girl but was visibly concerned because it was like the girl was attacking her. Honestly, gusto ko siyang itulak (yes, rude kids attacking my daughter bring out violent thoughts in my head.) M remembers the girl all the time we go to Shang.
Topaz Mommy says
September 24, 2011 at 10:28 pmOMG how horrible. Na-traumatize pa si M! Naku, lalo lang ako nagagalit! Hindi ito hormones. I’m a good person but I’m very reactionary. There have been many times I’ve told off kids, even when their parents are there!
One time, in Rustan’s, I saw a boy hitting his younger brother over and over again on the head. Their mother was there, texting! I went right up to the boy, shook my finger and said, “You stop that this instant, young man. That is a person and you do not hit people!” When the mommy looked at me, I told her, “I don’t know how you can allow that!” and marched off.
I’ve stepped in between parents beating up their kids in public. I’ve comforted screaming babies when their parents are seemingly deaf. I know it’s very pakialamera of me. Vince is exasperated with me actually but I’m just really like this. If something’s wrong, I have to fix it! =(
OCMominManila says
September 26, 2011 at 7:50 pmDyos ko, bakit ang labo ng grammar ko dito??? Hahaha. That’s what this topic does to me.
But Frances, I actually admire you for doing that. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I cannot confront other parents. But maybe that’s what they need, especially kung violent na!! I wish you were there when that little girl was terrorizing my daughter!
Topaz Mommy says
October 2, 2011 at 11:59 amWell, the downside of my confrontational nature is I’ve gotten into trouble many times, especially when the parent is just as violent as their child. But I guess malakas loob ko kasi public place so eto buhay pa ako =D
Eliza says
September 23, 2011 at 10:56 amI’ve had to handle situations like this too many times in Gymboree. Though I strike quite an authoritative figure in my teacher’s uniform, I don’t think the same would apply outside of the school.
But all the same, I’ve had to deal with it, not with my own son, but with my nephews. The first thing I do (and is usually already effective) is look at the kid with angry eyes (I feel we shouldn’t hide what we feel from children) and say, “WHERE. IS. YOUR. MOTHER??” (More effective in Filipino – “ASAN ANG NANAY MO???”) It usually stops there, and the kid never goes near again.
If it does happen again, I approach the kid’s mom and approach with distress, and not anger. No mother likes hearing that their kid is hurting other children without being provoked. They always respond positively and we end up having a dialogue with the child.
Nina Comia says
September 23, 2011 at 10:09 amthis always happens to my son. he has this younger cousin that will always make agaw toys that he is currently playing. Often times, I let them handle it themselves. My kid is the type who is mapagbigay and wouldn’t fight back naman, buti nalang. Pero when there is pushing or hitting involved na, thats when we come in. Good thing rin that we know the other kid. It happened na rin sa mga playground. I always say nalang to my son to always wait for his turn. And so far so good naman.
Sa teaching how to fight for themselves, I need to learn how to do that din. Parang sobrang young pa nila. Id rather teach him how to choose his battles. haha