Do I see myself as a wife? My engagement ring and wedding ring should be enough reminders I suppose of the vow I took 3 years ago. But after DW was born, I’ve only known myself as a momma. I have yet to grow into my role as a wife and I’m not quite sure yet how to handle that.
I guess I have yet to make that transition yet because BDW and I were good friends loooong before we got married. I’ve always seen myself as his barkada (with benefits naturally haha but that’s beside the point). We both worked in the same office within the same department but in different teams. His work station was a cubicle away from mine. I noticed him because he was so MASUNGIT. In that office, for some reason, I found myself hanging out with a burly bunch of boys at the office. And we were ALWAYS hanging out. I was one of a few girls in that group and thus I was knighted “NEBOY.”I kept up with the best of them. Exchanged hirits without resorting to green jokes, because I’m a lady like dut .
And then it just happened, BDW and I found ourselves hanging out with each other more. We took our breaks together — just us two without the boys and my other friends. We kept up with the banter and it continued on to our emails and then to our phones.
Then we wanted to see more of each other during the weekends. It was weird at first but I figured we were just hanging out. Being oblivious was better than being assuming and I didn’t want to set myself up for another disappointment. I’ve gotten used to the whole “friends muna tayo” then MU (as in mag-un!) routine and it never ended well. But this time though it was different. I cared more about where we were going. BDW was different and he liked me — taklesa-rocker-isaw-eating-speak my mind (sometimes too much)-masungit me. He didn’t want it any other way. We exchanged mixtapes, went to rock concerts and soon after I asked him “ANO NA BA TAYO?!”
And so on the wee hours of April 1 2001, we became a couple. April Fool’s!! It wasn’t smooth sailing all those years. There was a time when I wanted to break it off. The whole thing was too comfortable, too normal and so I got scared. I was ready to fly away but BDW grabbed me and talked me into staying. That was a glimpse of how we would be for the rest of our relationship. He is strong and silent. He is sensible and shows it with a few sentences while I could blather on and on about an issue without getting to any point. Sometimes I just want to talk (hence this blog haha). I am emotional and he is rational. He is the yin to my yang.
8 years of dating and I figured, ok so where do we go now? My friends were all getting married and that triggered me into thinking whether BDW and I would be BF-GF forever. Kinda like Sting and Trudie Styler but a billion pounds poorer. And so I asked BDW: “ANO NA BA TAYO?”
Little did I know BDW was planning to propose to me in New York a year before (we were both on business trips) but he didn’t do it because he doesn’t have a ring yet. I couldn’t care less, I wanted to be proposed to in New York!!! I would have been happy with an Onion Ring!
So he did the next best thing. He proposed me to me after we laid his Lola to rest. Yes, he planned the whole thing during his lola’s wake. All his cousins came to Manila to pay their respects and they all planned how BDW would propose to me while they’re stuck at Loyola. Morbid I know but romantic?? Hell yeah! So now whenever I get asked how BDW proposed I always start with “Ah sa Loyola Memorial nagsimula lahat e”
We planned a simple wedding, blue and brown and an invitation with pop-up versions of ourselves. We had duckies for souvenirs and a photobooth that did not stop clicking until midnight.
So technically I became a wife on Feb. 2. But nothing’s changed (save for DW of course) and I still see myself as Neboy, BDW’s kabarkada. We hang out and when we make the effort, we go on a date. Whereas there are others who seem so sure of their roles, I have yet to really see how I am, three years from Feb. 2, 2008, coming along as a wife. Maybe I’ll get to that point where everything will be clear and I’ll find my rightful place. But for now, I am BDW’s biggest cheerleader, his most honest critic, his hapless business partner, his (sometimes) better half. Yeah, I guess that’s a start.
This is my entry to Toni’s blog carnival, “It’s a Wife’s Life”. To join the carnival, visit WifelySteps.com