After the long weekend, the luxury of being able to sleep in gave way to a 5am alarm. I nudged David softly, patting him on the back.
“5 am na kuya, gising na”
David, ever the sleepyhead, asked for 5 more minutes – our own version of the snooze button. I happily obliged but got up anyway to prep his uniform. When I called him again, he got up and we went through our morning rituals.
When I sent him off, I got up and climbed again to our bed, thinking that maybe I could get a few more minutes to sleep before I start my own day.
Noah was still sleeping. His tiny frame slumped across his still snoring Dada. I tried to sleep but my mind went into overdrive. I thought about the work that I had to do at the office and the emails that needed to be answered. I thought of the meetings I had to call in, convene and attend. Then in my head, I thought of the kids’ schedules — Noah’s make-up session with his Occupational Therapist, David’s PE and what he needed to wear, his dismissal times this week and the PTCs I have to attend. I reminded myself that Noah’s out of milk and to ask our ate to buy a can for now. I made a mental note to buy a couple more this week.
Each thought bled into another. I was dressing up for work but half of my mind was somewhere else. I realized how lost I was in my thoughts when, on my way out of the house (after a lot of goodbyes from Noah, who wanted to come with us huhu) I couldn’t find one of my phones. I could not remember where I placed it. I knew I had it with me but I just couldn’t remember for the life of me where the heck my phone is.
I searched frantically. I called it using my other phone but the phone was on silent. Dan could hear the phone vibrating. I heard it too until I finally figured out where it was. The phone was in a drawer where I kept my watches and everyday jewelry.
I was, “sabaw”. I was so lost and I really felt it.
There was an article I read before which was based on blogger, Ellen Seidman’s Mother’s Day post “I am the person who notices we are running out of toilet paper, and I rock: A Mother’s Day tribute to moms everywhere” (read it, it’s really good! I love her blog too). The article talked of the “Invisible Work” that women undertake which is primarily the mental heavy lifting we do when it comes to scheduling the kids’ days, their extracurricular activities, the food they need to eat when the come home, the food they need to take with them to school, PTCs, and the worrying that comes with these. I have to remember that David doesn’t like this one brand of bread anymore and has asked another kind. For Noah, I have to find new clinics which would accommodate his school schedule but is near our home. I schedule the drivers, who, where and how they will pick up the kids and the household help — they come with their own set of issues that I have to face too.
Throw in a full time job into the mix and the result was me – this morning, lost and somehow around 9:30 am, I finally found my footing again.
These days, I figure, what would Wonder Woman do. She, a noble Amazonian warrior who just takes on her battles with a single-minded earnestness. While I…well, I wonder a lot (teehee) and think and plan and mentally figure out what our family needs so that we could all move and go forward and live our lives in order.
It’s this heavy that exhausts me at times. Ang hirap magisip talaga and add to this the fact that you have lives on your hands, it’s not something to be taken lightly. It’s a tough job but I take it on because that’s what moms do all the time. But how about you? What do you do?